Health and medical information

Whatever men may feel, most women want the sexual experience to be an emotional as well as a physical bond. These women perceive sex not merely as brief genital contact, pleasurable though it may be, but also as sharing an emotional, intimate part of each other. They perceive sex as the happiness of sharing experiences, the fun of doing things – sexual and other – together. They believe that pleasure is obtained by giving pleasure. Many accept that the relationship may last for a long time, or may be short lived, but that during it emotional involvement is essential, or much of the joy of sex is reduced.

Of course, this means that both partners have to be emotionally involved. To be a better lover you need to be involved, or to you sex is just intravaginal masturbation. One woman quoted in The Hue Report said that her greatest displeasure in sex was the feeling that she was ‘simply a substitute for his hand, a dish of mashed potatoes, or any warm place he can stick it into and come’.

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The reduction in sexual pleasure experienced by many women is partly due to the negative attitudes to their bodies and to sex which they obtained in childhood and early adolescence from parents, clergy, teachers, and peers. All too often children are taught that the genitals are dirty or disgusting. Even the medical name for a woman’s genitals, the ‘pudenda’ (from Latin, meaning ‘that of which one ought to be ashamed’), is symbolic of the disgust some parents induce in children towards their genitals. Women have a second problem. Unlike a boy’s very obvious penis, which he knows is pleasurable to touch and fondle, a girl’s genitals are hidden, mysterious, remote. I find it remarkable (and disturbing) that many women have never used a mirror to see what their genitals look like and to find out where their clitoris is.

In addition, many boys, and nearly all girls, are taught that masturbation is evil, that it leads to debility, or even if it does not, should not be ‘indulged’ in! This is nonsense, of course; masturbation has several very positive values, especially for women. In childhood and adolescence it teaches a girl to explore her body and not to be ashamed of its shape, its texture, and its surfaces. It teaches her, especially, not to be ashamed of touching and playing with her genitals. It does more. It helps a girl become aware of her response to sexual stimuli and to recognize the stages of sexual arousal. And it enables a girl to develop her own sexuality – to know what she enjoys and what she dislikes – which is important if she is to be fulfilled sexually later.

Far more destructive to a woman’s sexual fulfilment than her negative conditioning to sexuality is the self-satisfied neglect by lany men of a woman’s sexual needs. If there is a villain in a Oman’s unfulfilled sexuality it is her male sexual partner!

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Two generalizations can be made, as two responses occur in all men who are sexually stimulated. The first is that there is a widespread increase in the size of small blood-vessels, and congestion due to the increased quantity of blood within them. Although the congestion is widespread, it is most obviously concentrated in the genitals, particularly in the penis. The congestion increases through sexual stimulation, as sexual tension rises, and is most marked in the late plateau and the orgasmic phases of the sexual cycle.

The second response is a general increase in the tension in the man’s muscles, so that a slight stimulus produces a larger response than usual. This reaction also increases in intensity as sexual tension rises. It culminates in the involuntary muscle contractions which accompany orgasm.

This makes it clear that a man’s response to sexual stimulation is both general and genital. The general changes which occur include an increase in the heart rate from its non-stimulated rate of 70-80 beats a minute to between 100-50 beats a minute in the late plateau ami orgasmic phases. This increase in the heart rate is not solely due to sexual exertion or sexual gymnastics, and is not reduced by 1
raining, as is the increase in the heart rate of an athlete.

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Sexual attraction and sexual arousal are not understood fully, but a probable reason is that each person develops his or her sexual arousal script as I have described in the last chapter. In the script, the person is the hero, to whom sexually exciting adventures occur. When a man meets a woman who resembles his fantasy partner, his sexual drive is started. He becomes sexually aroused. What happens to his body during sexual arousal has become clear from the research of Dr Masters and Dr Johnson. To help them analyse the physical components of sexual arousal they found it convenient to divide the rising sexual tension into four phases. They realized that the phases merged one into the other, and that the duration of each phase varied between individuals and with the strength of sexual arousal. The phases are, first, the excitement phase; second, the plateau phase; third, the orgasmic phase; and fourth, the resolution phase.

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It is clear that if sensible and accurate information about human relationships and human sexuality is to be given to adolescents, and if the misinformation provided by peers is to be reduced, both parents and teachers will have to make a more positive contribution.

Unfortunately, many parents seem unable to provide accurate information, and teachers will have to fulfil this role, so that tomorrow’s parents may be educated sufficiently to educate their children.

This statement is supported by the surveys reported in this chapter, which suggest that adolescents would prefer to learn about

sex from their parents, but believe that teachers are more suitable educators.

They want to learn about sexuality at school and, in most circumstances, in coeducational groups led by well-trained, empathetic teachers. They believe that it is less embarrassing all round to discuss sexuality in the classroom with an impartial, informed adult than at home with uncomfortable parents. They want to know about human relationships in sexuality, as much as about the biological and technical aspects of sex.

I accept that very young children are probably best taught about sex initially by their parents, but this needs to be reinforced by trained teachers in primary school. Because of the inability of many parents to discuss the more complex aspects of sex education, the information should be given to children in the early years of secondary school. This is crucial if tomorrow’s parents are to be better informed on sexual matters, and better able to tell their children. The purpose of sex education is not just to provide sufficient factual knowledge, but to become the basis of subsequent sexual development.

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